


NIALL'S ADOPTION

by oopsandhi



Category: One Direction
Genre: Adoption, Help, the ages make no sense im sorry, tiny dick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-18
Updated: 2014-05-18
Packaged: 2018-01-25 15:04:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1652876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oopsandhi/pseuds/oopsandhi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on the photo of niall drinking from a bottle. Basically, the story of how niall was adopted. </p>
<p>dedicated to my friends on twitter who love my fics for some strange reason, and especially mastura (@GAYGIRL) who suggested i write this :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	NIALL'S ADOPTION

listen.

Niall has been in the adoption agency ever since he was around 3 years old. turns out his parents were two horses that ran away after giving birth to him. soon he was found on the doorsteps of the Calders. 

Eleanor Calder walked outside late one night, probably going to perform satanic rituals in her backyard to get rid of harry, when she spotted him. a little bundle of joy. she immediately called up louis. 

"Lou, you'll never guess what I found!"

"what, a decent plastic surgeon to fix that beak of yours?" 

"no, A BABY!"

louis hung up the phone and proceeded to puke. Eleanor laughed and picked up little niall, and ran all the way to louis' apartment to show him their new child. when she arrived, harry let her inside. 

"harry can you please go wash your hair or something, this is a big moment for louis and i." 

harry sauntered away, but not before yelling "CALL ME WHAT YOU WANT BUT YOU CANT CALL ME BROKE, MONEY!" 

eleanor sighed and sat down with niall. all of a sudden, she felt something.... Niall had shit all over her new topshop dungarees (wtf is a dungaree anyway). 

"babe can you help me clean him up" eleanor pleaded, glancing over at louis. 

"nah". 

eleanor sighed again and picked up the nearest towel, which just so happened to be Harry's 10,000 dollar headscarf. She pulled down niall's diaper and was appalled at what she saw. NOTHING. no dick, no vagina.

"um... louis.... there's no genitals on this baby." 

"bitch don't you go to med school or something? look harder" 

"no i actually study la-" just then, harry came bursting into the room, tears streaming down his face. 

"IS THAT MY SCARF???? IS THAT MY PRECIOUS SCARF?" "my precious..... my precious...." harry had gone insane. 

"eleanor, harry and I have to go shopping really quick and buy him a new scarf. take that fucking baby back to wherever you found it." eleanor sighed for what seemed like the millionth time tonight and called up the adoption agency. in a few hours they arrived, picked up the small child, and left. 

17 years later

niall had been anticipating this moment his entire life. he was finally going to be adopted. his new parents walked into the room, and niall was flabbergasted.

"is that... is that Michelle and Barack Obama?" he could get used to this. they wrapped him up in a hug, and fed him with a bottle. 

it turns out, the only thing niall needed to finally grow a dick was parental love. after that fateful day, his dick was 1 cm and he jacked off with his pinky every night.

THE END


End file.
